Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Why do I wear a veil?

2016 - This picture was taken by a news reporter
and featured in our local paper
The simple answer to this question is - I feel called to wear a veil.

I first felt the call to wear a veil in the presence of Our Lord in the tabernacle while in college in 2004. At the college Newman Center I attended, no one else wore a veil. The call was so strong, I went out to Joann Fabrics and bought some lace material in attempt to make my own veil. I was the peer minister of liturgy at the time, so it occurred to me that I should ask the campus minister for permission to wear a veil. He was concerned that I might intimidate the other students and recommended against it - to my great relief. I'm not one for seeking attention or standing out in a crowd. I put the fabric aside and did my best to silence the call in my heart.

Years passed. I moved, got married, and attended a different Catholic church. I still felt the call deep down, but couldn't shake the desire to not draw attention to myself. To my surprise, a small group of women at the church began to wear veils. It encouraged me, but the thought of it still made me nervous. Another encouragement for me was that I saw a picture of Michelle Obama wearing a veil in the presence of the Holy Father. I thought, "if she can wear a veil out of respect for the Holy Father and the Church, then surely I can too - out of reverence for Our Lord in the tabernacle.

In October of 2011, 6 years ago, we were anxiously anticipating the birth of our second child. With our first child, I was overdue and induced on the 9th day after the due date. This time around, I wanted to avoid being induced. Finding myself overdue again, my doctor agreed that I could wait up to 14 days before being induced. So we waited and waited. I was very worried and had no idea what to expect.

On the night of the 19th, I had a very vivid dream - Andrew and I were in a church kneeling in the front and he was praying the rosary beside me. I was wearing a veil. I looked up and saw a priest sitting in the presiders chair. The priest was speaking to us, telling us that everything would turn out alright and to trust in God. The priest turned out to be Pope John Paul II!

When I woke up I cried and knew two things. The first was that Peter would be born in three days, on October 22, 2011 - the first celebrated feast day of John Paul II (and he was!!). The second thing I knew was that I shouldn't put off the call to wear a veil any longer. I always felt very close to St. John Paul II while he was a live, and after his death. In my dream, I felt that I appeared as I should be - under a veil. St. John Paul was encouraging me to respond to God's call.
2011 - One of the first times I wore a veil - Peter's baptism
Since having that dream, I began wearing a veil. I always wear it in the church (unless I forget to bring it...). It felt strange at first, but I gradually became used to it. I don't feel like I stand out. I worried that others would judge me and think that I think I'm so holy. But I don't feel that way at all. The veil humbles me. Now I'm so used to it, that if I forget to bring it, I feel naked!
2017 - At our friend Fr. Colin Parrish's first mass
Others have written or spoken about theological reasons to wear a veil. I especially enjoyed this blog post from Jennifer Fulwiler. I have no new information about that for you. Just simply that I wear a veil because I felt the call. A couple of years after I began wearing it, my mother-in-law gave me her mother's old veil. What a treasure! I never got to meet Grandma Reilly, but I think about her when I wear the veil and it makes me feel close to her. After six years of wearing a veil, and in particular wearing Grandma Reilly's veil, I wonder how many baptisms, weddings, ordinations, and funerals this veil has witnessed. How many tears have the tattered ends wiped away? I know it has caught many of my tears! Wearing this veil brings continuity to all the Masses I have attended. It is an unchanging garment that elevates my thoughts to eternity.
1969 - Grandma Reilly wearing the veil for Andrew's sister Jenny's baptism

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Huckleberry Traditions

We just got back from our annual Huckleberry Picking trip. Out in the berry fields this year, I got to hear Andrew's dad (Dad) share a little backstory about this long-standing St.Hilaire tradition. My poor memory can't recall all the details, but here are the nuts and bolts I retained: back in the late 1920s, 1927 as I recall, his parents, Grandma and Grandpa St.Hilaire, went to Mt. Adams to pick huckleberries. This was prior to their marriage so of course, they slept in separate tents! The depression hit and Dad said nobody really traveled anywhere during that time and just focused on day to day survival. Frivolous camping trips for huckleberries were out of the question. It wasn't until later in the 50s when their mail man mentioned going to pick huckleberries that Grandpa decided he wanted to go again and take the kids on a day trip to pick berries. They headed up after Mass one Sunday. On the way there, they ran out of gas and had to flag down another car. The fellow who stopped didn't have extra gas, but did have a full tank and was willing to share with them if they could get it out. Apparently in their car, there was a strap behind the driver seat for the back seat passengers to hold onto when the road got bumpy, and the strap was cased in a tube of sorts. So Grandpa removed this tube and used it to syphon gas out of the other gentleman's car. Of course, in order to get the gas going through the tube, Grandpa had to suck the gas until it began flowing. Once it came through the tube, he spat it out and declared, "Ah, that's the best gas I've ever tasted." They made it up the mountain, picked berries, and headed back home. On the way back, they even had a flat tire to tend to - and this was all on one day trip! Dad said he didn't remember what they even made with the huckleberries. He supposed there was pie - it must have been something tasty to bring them back year after year. They went picking off and on throughout his childhood. And tradition continued when he and his siblings were all grown and had families of their own.

When I entered the scene in 2005, huckleberry picking was a longstanding tradition. It was so special, that I wasn't allowed to go until after we were married. We were married in August of 2008, and as our honeymoon, we did some camping on our own and then ended the trip at Mt. Adams in the huckleberry fields with Andrew's family. The family attendance that year was low because everyone had just traveled to be at our weddings - but Andrew's parent's were there, along with Lou and Jenna, Terry and Christina + their kids, and Uncle Dick and Aunt Louise. I love that our honeymoon included this tradition - I had finally earned my right to attend! No way, I was going to pass that up! And since 2008, there has only been one year that we've missed.

As you can imagine, with all the years that the family has been going, there are so many stories to tell! There are family-famous stories I've heard, like when Andrew, cousins Maria, and Katie, got lost in the woods trying to find a frog pond... and first-hand stories that I was part of - like the year we only found one - ONLY ONE - berry!

This tradition builds our family culture. These camping trips are the fuel for the stories my children will tell.

This morning we are experiencing a "camping-hangover", complete with dirty, smokey clothes waiting to be washed, the garage full of all the camping gear, the cooler empty save for the ice blocks, still slowly melting.

As I washed and measured the berries just an hour ago, I was thinking of all these stories with a smile. Traditions like this are just so special. John helped me wash the berries and I knew in my heart, he will carry it on. I'm sure the others will too, but he is getting old enough to hold these moments as sacred. He did a lot of picking this year and to honor that, I let him label a bag as "John's berries - 2017". Later, I will show him how to make a pie and we'll share it with some special friends. Because that's what we do - the camping lasts only 2 days, but the berries last all year, sometimes longer (we're pretty stingy with our berries!), waiting patiently in the freezer for a special occasion. John knows what goes into a pie. It takes a long time to pick a pies-worth of berries. He knows when we make a pie, there better be no berries left on anyone's plate! That's a cardinal St.Hilaire rule... deeply instilled in us by Grandpa St.Hilaire. Today as John helped cleaned the berries, one fell in the sink and John *gasped* and quickly retrieved it. Yes, he knows. The berries are valuable, but truthfully it's the family. That's what the berries symbolize.  He'll take his kids picking. I'd bet money on it. And he'll share these stories and his memories.

I feel a little bad, like I'm bragging about this tradition that began about 90 years ago. Most people don't have things like this to be a part of. So please don't take this as bragging, my hope is to encourage. Hold fast to your family traditions, whatever they are. If you don't have any - start some! And if you do start your own, maybe 90 years from now, in the year 2107, your descendants will be talking about your stories and adventures with their own children.

PS. For the record - we got 7 pies this year, including John's.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Days of Auld Lang Syne

A couple of years ago, I read Little House in the Big Woods with John. I loved it - probably more than he did. It's so nice to have another chance to read great children's literature. And I think I get a lot more out of it as an adult.

At the end of the book, Laura Ingalls Wilder paints the picture of Pa playing his fiddle and singing Auld Lang Syne:

"Shall auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Shall auld acquaintance be forgot,
And the days of auld lang syne?

She asked her pa, "What are the days of auld lang syne?" And he told her they are "the days of a long time ago." As she drifted off to sleep she observed Pa as he sat by the fire and Ma rocking in a chair, knitting.
"She thought to herself, 'This is now.'
She was glad that the cosy house, and Pa and Ma and the fire-light and the music, were now. They could not be forgotten, she thought because now is now. It can never be a long time ago."
The ending of this book has stuck with me more than any other. I think about it often and it haunts me in a way, because I look around my own home and the people in it and I have the same thought as Laura: this is now. But I also know the life I am living now will someday be the days of a long time ago.

It's good to think about that sometimes. To me these days of childrearing seem like they will last forever, but somehow my oldest, John, is already approaching his 8th birthday. And I'm well aware that the next 8 years will go just a quickly as the first! Then he will be nearly grown and almost ready to fly from the nest!

Right now, I am helping shape my children's childhood. They will talk about this time someday. They will reflect on parenting decisions I made, good and bad. They will all go off to forge their own path in the world, but this shared space and time that we have now will always be the foundation of their adult lives.

It makes me want to be a better mom, to work towards building a better family culture. I'm not exactly sure what that will look like. I'm still trying to find the balance between cleaning the house, homeschooling, paying attention to the kids, and leisure. But I think as long as we are aware of the fleeting "now" and strive to savor it and put our best efforts into it, I think when "now" becomes a "long time ago", it will be remembered and treasured by my children... and that is my great hope.