Thursday, May 28, 2009
Well, our little boy was circumcised today. It was very hard for me, but John was so good! I think I cried more than he did! The doctor said he was one of her top babies for how he handled the pain. He is fairly easy to comfort, so we were blessed. Andrew was able to stand right there and let John suck on his finger, which was dipped in some sugar water. I guess the sugar water helps ease the pain because it takes their mind off of the surgery. I am so thankful Andrew was able to be there with us! I surely would not have been able to be as emotionally strong if it had been just John and me.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
John sleeps A LOT! I am sure this is normal for newborns... but it is kind of funny because he is so lethargic and does weird things while he sleeps. Check out the videos and you will see what I mean:
Posted by Lindsey at 6:17 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
We went to Mass last Sunday. Many people were shocked that we went because John was not even two days old. But I was feeling fine, and John just slept in his car seat the whole time. So we saw no need to skip Mass.
I am SO glad we went to Mass. It was a very fruitful experience for me to partake in the celebration of Mass with my born son. My thoughts drifted to my love for John and how I would never want anything bad to happen to him. I feel very protective of John, and I am overwhelmed with the instinct to do anything to keep him safe from harm. This made me think of when I broke my back in 2006. I am sure those same protective feelings I have for John went rampant in my mom when she got the phone call that her "baby" daughter had broken her back while inner-tubing on Mount Baker. I want so much to keep John safe, but I know the time will come when he will be on his own, making his own decisions.
Then my thoughts drifted to our Blessed Mother Mary who not only let her Son suffer and die on the cross, but she watched it happen and kept her "cool." How obedient is Our Lady! I see her as my greatest example of good mothering and I hope to let John always do God's will, even if it is dangerous. I never want my protective nature to get in the way of God's plans.
The most powerful part of the Mass was the Eucharistic prayer (as it should be!). As I mentioned in previous posts, my focal point for the birth was Christ saying "this is my body, given for you." I have been relating that to my own sacrifice of my body for John. But when I heard that phrase last Sunday, I thought about John living out this kind of love, and me letting him. I desire holiness for my Son more than anything.
The clear message I received from God was, "He is not yours." Parents these days tend to view their children as being "theirs." I too have this inclination, but I am trying to view him more as a soul God has entrusted to me. He is my son, but more importantly, he is a child of God. I hope to parent John in a way that his Parent above would approve.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
We had a great visit with my parents this week. They were able to come down for a few days to be with us and their new grandson, John. We're truly blessed to have such loving and supportive parents, both the St.Hilaires and Stocktons, as we venture onto our own journey as parents.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
So first of all, some sad news... I don't have a belly to rest the laptop on anymore! But that is an easy trade for my wonderful son, John Vianney St.Hilaire!! The following is my take on the grand event of his birth. As I finish typing it, John and Andrew are asleep in our bed. During the last few days, I feel like I have had no time to do anything. Thus, I must finish getting my thoughts down now, even though I should be sleeping too. If I don't get it out while my memories are fresh, it will never happen! =)
We checked into the hospital at 9:10 pm on Thursday night - a fashionable 10 minutes late (hey- our son gets his lateness from somewhere). We were quickly checked in and shown to our room. I was given the drug to dilate my cervix, which was still only dilated to 1 cm. In the morning I was going to be put on pitocin and then if that went well the doctor would potentially break my water. However, the plans changed when the nurse removed the drugs in the morning at 6:00 am and found that I was dilated to 5 cm. already!
Andrew and I had been up most of the night because I began painful contractions at around 2:00 am. So we were already pretty exhausted. I was supposed to be able to eat breakfast before they began the pitocin, but because I was already dilated to 5 cm, I was not allowed to eat. As it turns out, my contractions were going well enough on their own that I didn't need pitocin. This was a relief because I wanted to avoid as much intervention as I could and let the whole process occur naturally.
From 6-10:00 am I worked through the contractions as they became increasingly painful. When preparing for birth I was told by many to have a "focal point" to use during the contractions. My focal point was a picture of Christ on the cross with the words "this is my Body, given up for you" written beneath. I was inspired by this image a few months ago when I was at Mass. I definitely saw my pregnancy and openness to the beauty of life to be in solidarity with Christ - who freely gave his Body so that we may all have eternal life. A few days before the induction, I wrote down a list of people and causes that I wanted to pray for during labor. With each contraction, Andrew read one of the intentions to me and then proceeded to repeat the "Hail Mary" prayer until I was through the contraction. This helped SO much. I was really able to take the pain and offer it as a sacrifice for all the people who are close to my heart. To top it off, we brought a Gregorian Chant CD and had that playing in the background during most of the labor and the delivery. I kind of felt like I was in a chapel! I'm sure the nurses thought I was a weirdo!
Around 10:00 am my doctor came in to check on my progress. He told me that I was dilated to 7 cm. (10 cm. is the goal). I was almost there! We asked him what to expect for the rest of the labor. He told us that I was nearing transitional labor, which is the most difficult part. Most women have an epidural by this point. When he mentioned the word epidural, my ears perked up and I was definitely enticed! The pain was getting really challenging, and the thought if it getting more difficult was hard to hear. So with the combination of having little sleep, no breakfast, and a lot of pain, I decided to go with the epidural.
I told Andrew that I wanted the epidural. A few days ago I told him, "If I ask for any pain medicine, please tell me to wait 20 min. to see if I really need it." My goal was to go completely natural and trust that my body could do what it needed. So Andrew obediently reminded me that I wanted to wait 20 min. I broke down and told him to ignore my previous request and listen to me now. He had been by my side this whole time, and knew (through observation) how much pain I was in. Right when we were having this conversation, a contraction came on. I was caught off guard and did not have the focus to get through the contraction. I began throwing up and feeling like I was going to pass out from the pain. My mom happened to come in the room and saw me in this state. Needless to say, this was the worst part of the experience.
I did get the epidural. It was incredible. The pain was entirely gone, which is crazy. I watched the monitor which showed each of my contractions. I saw the contractions and thought "hmm, I don't feel that at all!" Andrew and I both took a much needed nap, as my body did all the work. Later on, around 2 or 3 pm, I asked the nurse if the epidural had slowed down the process of labor. She said no. Which made me grateful that I went with the epidural. I can't imagine having those painful contractions every 2 minutes from 10:00 am to 4:20 pm!
This leads me to the finally: At 4:20 pm my doctor came in to see how things were going. He checked and told me I was dilated to 10 cm. It was time to push! I was amazed because I could still not feel an ounce of pain. Andrew asked me if I wanted him to get my mom.
Side note - pretty early on in my pregnancy, I decided that I only wanted Andrew in the room during labor and delivery. My mom was pretty upset about this because she really wanted to be there for the process. She was sad, but respected my decision. During the last two weeks, I reconsidered and thought that I would like to have my mom there. I did not tell her this, just in case I changed my mind at the last minute. That would be terrible to get her hopes up and then potentially change my mind again. So I decided to just have her come in (if she still wanted to) without warning.
Andrew went to get my mom. She told me later what a special moment that was. She was overjoyed!
With Andrew at my left side and my mom at my right, I began to push during each contraction. I got the rhythm down and only had to push for about an hour! The nurse said I did very well.
I have no words to express how exhilarating it was when they handed my son to me. He was still gooey and wet. I shed tears of joy and kissed his soft head. It was unbelievable!
The rest of the story is hard to relate, because it was so surreal. We had many visitors, which was very wonderful. But I think Andrew and I were both stunned at the sight of our son. We have been so eager for him to come out and join our little family. Now he was finally out! At the end of the day, when all visitors were gone. Andrew, John, and I shared the special moment of just being together. Every time I wake up (which is often!), I am thrilled that this was all not a dream. It is so wonderful being able to take care of John and shower him with kisses. I think every time I look at him, he becomes more precious. This is a good thing, because he has required and will require a lot from me. At this point, with 4 days behind us, I have become quite sleep deprived, but just looking at John gives me the strength and energy to care for him.
Monday, May 18, 2009
We have been home now since Saturday night. These first few days have been so wonderful and fruitful! We feel truly blessed to have such supportive friends and family. Thank you to everyone who has emailed us and left comments on our blog. I have hardly had time to get on the computer to do anything, let alone respond to emails. Please know that Andrew has read your comments to me and I feel so honored to receive your prayers and kind words.
I have begun writing my "a baby story." Hopefully I will have some spare moments during the week to finish so I can post it on the blog. John and I are both doing very well. He really loves to nurse! I am trying to get use to it. I hear it gets better after a few weeks!
Friday, May 15, 2009
We're all settled in at the birthing center. Lindsey was given prostaglandin to help soften her cervix, before they begin administering the pitocin in the morning. Lindsey is having regular contractions, although they are not painful, just uncomfortable for now. If all things go well, this little guy will be out soon!
Thanks in advance for your prayers.
Thanks in advance for your prayers.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Well, this is day 8. It has been a rough week. Andrew, my parents, his parents, our family and friends, and I have been anxiously waiting for this child to come out!
Schedules have been messed up... thumbs have been twiddled (on my part!)... lives have been put on hold... tears have been cried (again, on my part)... and now we have arrived to the day of induction - or have we?
We are scheduled to go in tonight at 9pm, "check in to the hotel" =) Then I will be given a drug to help dilate my cervix, we will sleep, and then in the morning we will take the necessary drugs to help the contractions and labor move along.
That was the plan, but now we are having second thoughts. Last night Andrew and I went online and did some research on the common medical methods of induction. Our main concern is that I will be given pitocin (a commonly used drug that is a synthetic version of the hormone oxytocin, which is naturally released from the woman's body to get labor going). All women have different experiences with this drug, but I have read that pitocin can cause contractions that are more painful than natural contractions, which can lead to the baby getting less oxygen, and in turn the baby becomes stressed. If the baby becomes too stressed, this can ultimately lead to an emergency c-section. I do not want to have a c-section. I know it seems to be a common practice these days, but Andrew and I are planning on having as many children as Our Lord will give us. I don't want this labor and delivery to complicate any future labor and deliveries. I have also been hoping to do this birth naturally, and if the contractions are more painful because of pitocin, then I will more likely request pain relief.
Yesterday I went to the doctor's office and they did a "non-stress test." This involved me sitting in a really big, comfy chair. The baby's heart rate was monitored and my contractions (if any) were monitored. I also had this button to press whenever Baby moved. The whole goal was to make sure Baby's heart rate was responding to his own movements and my contractions. As it turns out I did have one contraction while I was hooked up to this machine! I would not have know it was a contraction without having the machine's numbers going crazy. It was not painful and so I was very shocked to know that that was a contraction. I have been feeling stuff like that off and on for a while now, but I never knew they were contractions.
Last night, I think I had more contractions. I tried to sleep as much as I could, so I think I slept through most of them... but I did incorporate them in my dreams. So it is possible that my contractions are progressing; however, they are not really getting noticeably rhythmic in any way.
So we are thinking now that if we could wait a little while longer, as long as the baby and I are still safe and healthy, it would be better. Especially if I am starting to have contractions and they are progressing. I have a call into our doctor and I will talk about all of this with him. I really trust him, so his advice will help greatly in our decision process.
I am totally ready to hold my son, but I also know that being patient will help lower the stress in this situation.
Thank you for all your prayers! I am currently compiling a list of prayer intentions that I can offer as a focal point for each contraction. If you have anything for me to pray for, please let me know!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Well, our baby boy has not come out yet... we are eagerly waiting for him! I really wish he would come out today- that would be such an awesome mother's day present!! I did not sleep much last night because I felt some action happening and was getting excited. At about 4:40 I woke up from some pain (I thought it was a contraction). I woke up Andrew and told him I thought I was going into labor. We were told to stay in bed and try to sleep as much as we can if I go into labor at night. So Andrew went back to sleep, but I stayed up anxiously awaiting another contraction, but I didn't have any more that were as painful as the 4:40 one.
I am pretty uncomfortable now and any movement brings on a stretching sort of discomfort. I don't really know what is going on...
Andrew just made me breakfast, so I will leave you with that update! Stay tuned =)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Well, today is Baby St.Hilaire's due date! I am not sure if he is coming today, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment - like I have done my part. I guess Baby did not get the memo about the whole "coming out" business. Boy will he be surprised!
We had a doctor's appointment this morning and found out that I am dilated to 1 cm. The doctor told us that that doesn't mean much... I could be dilated to 1 cm for a week before anything happens. We scheduled for an induction next Thursday evening, but hopefully we won't need it. =) I am pretty confident he will come out before then. I just need to make him a little uncomfortable... maybe I should start poking and jiggling him!
Monday, May 4, 2009
A few weekends ago we went to Seattle to see Fr. Frank Pavone at a pro-life conference. We went up to meet him and Fr. Pavone gave the baby and me a blessing. It was really special. I hope the graces from this blessing will help during labor!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Below is a slide show of our engagement pictures - taken a little over a year ago. After doing our maternity photo shoot on Friday, I remembered taking engagement pictures and went back to my old blog to find the slide show.
Seeing pictures of myself pre-pregnancy makes me really excited to have the baby out. It will be so nice to have a flatter stomach (notice I said "er" - I am not expecting to jump right back into my old body!). I am tired of waddling around and the discomfort of bending over. However, I am actually feeling pretty good for only having 3 days until his due date. Perhaps that means he will come late... in that case, maybe I should be complaining more so he will come earlier! My mom thinks he will come out on Friday the 8th. We shall see.
The unknown of his arrival makes me think about the coming of Christ - "We don't know the day or the hour." Andrew and I feel pretty ready for Baby to come anytime. We are ready and willing to drop whatever we are doing to go to the hospital. This is how we should be also with the coming of Christ; whenever the end (or should I say beginning?) comes, we should be ready. We should always be in the state of grace, so that our souls will be ready to go. So have your hospital bags packed and your car seat in the car - God could come to you anytime! =)