As Andrew mentioned, baby and I are in our 14th week of pregnancy. I am beginning to feel sensations down there, instead of just feeling bloated. When I reach up to grab a dish from the cupboard and my belly presses against the counter, I feel some extra pressure. It is difficult to describe. It's not pain by any means, only a defense I think to alert me of pressure being placed on the baby. It is odd to think that baby St.Hilaire can feel pain that I can't. It could be that when there is pressure on the baby, they are being hurt or at least bothered. But I don't feel any of that, just an alert.
I was observed yesterday in my teaching practicum. My supervisor is also pregnant, but she is due any week. Thus, I had to do an lesson yesterday and will have one next week because she is taking well-deserved time off when the baby comes. She said she is ready to get that baby out! I told her that will be nice, but will she miss having the baby inside? As a mother of one already, she said she did miss having her other daughter inside after she was born.
I have been having crazy dreams (seems like every night) about the baby in one way or another. Either the baby has just come out and I am watching Andrew be a father, or I am watching other women give birth as part of a preparation class (weird, I know)... These dreams make me really anxious about the arrival of the baby. I just want to hold them. But I have also thought about how much I will miss the closeness that I am beginning to feel now with having the baby inside. With this child, this is the closest I will ever be. It kind of makes me sad to think that I will never be as close and that they will grow up and leave me (sounds like something my mom would say! [love you, mom!]). I especially fear that any of my children may leave their faith. As a teacher, I currently have that fear for all of my students, but it is greatly intensified when I think of my children. I know how special they are, and how much Our Lord loves them. It would pain me to have children reject or deny that love.
Listen to me, the baby isn't even out and I am already a worry-wart! I just know that although I am eager to hold and nurture my child, I should savor this special closeness that I have with them right now.